Mind Your Table Manners

Recently I received a forwarded email from one my colleagues with the subject "Mind your table manners". A nice one explaining the basic table etiquette.
But after reading it, I started thinking, most of these business etiquette tips generally are alien to people who are not familiar with the western culture.
As an Indian who still gets confused with
Which hand should go for knife and which one for the fork,
I believe we have a set of our own table manners may be not in black and white like how the westerners do, but we do have certain right and wrong things when it comes to eating.
Most of the tips mentioned in the email sounded funny to me.
So I thought "How about making every point sound funny?"

Here is the mail and my comments are inline. Did not mean to offend. Read.. laugh and forget it.. :-)
(Forget not to leave your comment)
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It's important to make a good impression at mealtime too.
These are to ensure that everyone at the table enjoys the food and conversation to the fullest.
The guidelines below will give you a good idea of what to watch for.

1. Eat with a fork unless the food is meant to be eaten with fingers. Only babies eat with fingers.

My father still eats with hand, my grandpa too.. I am sure your grandpa also does the same. I am afraid, I have to call them babies from now ?!!! :-)

2. Don't stuff your mouth full of food, it looks gross, and you could choke.

In 14 years of school, I found more happiness in spending most of my lunch breaks in the school cricket ground than sitting and enjoying my food. Never did I worry about how gross my face looked when I stuffed food in AND interestingly, I never choked once :-)

3. Chew with your mouth closed. No one wants to be grossed out seeing food being chewed up or hearing it being chomped on. This includes no talking with your mouth full.

As it is really disgusting to watch some one doing this, you can use this as a trick to irritate your colleagues or customers if you want. Esp. if you don’t want them to be with you for lunch anymore, you can surely give it a try. Believe me, it works. :-)

4. Don't make any rude comments about any food being served. It will hurt someone's feelings.


Yes. U are right. When you are literally starving after a long day of work, and Pavithra serves you a nice plate of Andhra meals with a big beautiful cockroach on it, don’t ever try to make any rude comment. It might hurt the cockroach. :-)

5. Always say thank you when served something. Shows appreciation.

This is interesting. The one who serves me did not choose the best of the menu for me, neither did he actually prepare the food. What he serves was something I have chosen for me and some poor fellow standing next to the furnace, burning all day is responsible for the delicacy of the taste. Where comes d appreciation ? If you really want to appreciate the waiter, give him a couple more bucks in tips. Really makes him happy. He is not working for your appreciations. :-)

6. If the meal is not buffet style, then wait until everyone is served before eating. It shows consideration.

When you are served a piece of hot and spicy chicken kabab OR a savory piece of thandoori and if you wait for everyone else to be served, I would say you are not actually showing your consideration to the chicken. That’s bad! :-)

7. Eat slowly and don't gobble up the food. Someone took a long time to prepare the food, enjoy it slowly. Slowly means to wait about 5 seconds after swallowing before getting another forkful.

Sounds one of the most ridiculous rules of all - "The time spent on eating the meal must always be equivalent to the time spent preparing it".
Have you heard that it takes more than years to prepare a good wine, Man, that is scary. I got to keep sipping a cup of wine for an year?!! :-)

8. When eating rolls, break off a piece of bread before buttering. Eating a whole piece of bread looks tacky.

Isn’t that everyone around me having their own plates of food to look at? :-)

9. Don't reach over someone's plate for something. Politely ask that the item to be passed to you. Shows consideration.

Sounds funny. No comments.. :-)

10. Do not pick anything out of your teeth, it's gross. If it bothers you that bad, excuse yourself and go to the restroom to pick.

How about eating fish, esp. the sardines? I do this after almost every bite.
First of all, I am not going to stand up and announce everyone around me that I am gonna pick something from the tooth - U gotto find out a tactful way of doing this.
Second of all, It will be more unpleasant if I run into the restroom after every bite
Better take that darn thing, throw it away and reach for the next piece :-)

11. Always use a napkin to dab your mouth, which should be on your lap when not in use. Remember, dab your mouth only. Do not wipe your face or blow your nose with a napkin, both are gross. Excuse yourself from the table and go the restroom to do those things.

Oops... To the restroom again?? :-)

12. When eating at someone's home or a guest of someone at a restaurant, always thank the host and tell them how delicious it was, even if it wasn't. Again, someone took time, energy, and expense to prepare the food, so show your appreciation.

I tried doing this last time when I was at my friends house. The most horrible briyani I ever had in my life. Nobody liked it , but I said it is good - because "someone took time, energy, and expense to prepare the food, so show your appreciation" .
Know what? I had to eat almost 2 kgs of it till it was finished. Obvious what happened aftermath!!.. a horrible 2 days..
Have you heard of "Mr.Bean in a restaurant story"? :-)

More at

http://www.gomestic.com/Family/Basic-Table-Manners-for-Kids.520103
http://www.lahacal.org/gentleman/table.html
http://www.askandyaboutclothes.com/Lifestyle/proper_table_manners.htm
http://quamut.com/quamut/etiquette_and_manners/page/table_manners.html

Still More?!!?? no.. please.. Enough is enough.. :-) Thanks